I sometimes wish I could go back in time to the days where all I worried about was the gloomy weather. Then I bring myself to the here and now and contemplate the current state of my life and my being, and hope I’ll soon walk out of this fog I’m in. I’ve been in it for way too long it almost seems like home. But it isn’t, and it will never be where I settle. I barely escaped the familiar darkness I feared and allowed myself to navigate the fog with my intuition as my compass. It took me a while to restore my self-consciousness about the past events, and that renewed faith is what keeps me going, what keeps me hopeful. Hope. That one day I’d gain clarity and look back on this fog as simply a passing cloud. A hollowed hole that I am currently in is showing many different parts of this world, of this being. I would not say that I’m ungrateful for what I have been given, but I would say that I have the right to contemplate and not be submissive to the giver. The darkness is here. The fall is near. The feeling of betrayal is well-felt and deep indulged within me. I simply hate it. The light is always seen and never ignored, but you still feel that darkness has also the right to be sensed and lived, so that strength and spirituality could be well-restored. Love is the saver, even though it’s hard to pinpoint it sometimes. And then, the real holder is the self. It’s what stays, it’s what remains, and it’s what was here from the beginning of the road. 

I drowned twice, and this rhythm describes the experience so well. The beat at the beginning is like when your heart starts racing. It’s dark, ominous, everything is just pain and fear. The beat reveals the fight, the struggle, and the lyrics show how you feel about your current reality, and how there is a small part of you that kind of wants to surrender. And especially when you let the water inside, it’s like some sort of twisted relief that kind of makes feel like your high, like you’re dreaming, like all the agony is finally over before you finally fade into the darkness, into the deep end.