As your silhouette kept destroying my neatly folded thoughts
I followed your shadow deep inside the cemetery of my long forgotten memories
But I didn’t find your grave.
It was as if you blossomed into an orchid of secrets,
spreading rapidly to every cell, every thought and every breath claiming them back
Last time I checked,
I thought I ripped your presence from the blue bird that whimpers weakly behind my lungs,
I thought I cried your love rivers of insecurities and washed away my heart from your touch
Yet when I dusted it for your fingertips
I found mountains of sweetly poisoned memories
I found a box of all the butterfly I had felt whenever you smiled my way
I found all the moments that I
was being held helplessly inside the fascinating truths behind your eyes
I found all the lies that hid perfectly her silhouette behind your smiles.
It drove me crazy Knowing that she was right in your arms
That I heard her in your voice,
That I smelled her perfume in the corners of your heart.
I had a crazy dream last night
You were Judas and I was crucified
My hands were nailed to the edges of your deceits
stretching back to the first time you showed me what does it mean to love.
They were tied the snowy texture of your heart that suffocated me every time I
dipped my feet further in the ocean where you kept all your secrets
I was wounded, crying out blood dunked in the color of your face.
It had A lovely shade of betrayal.
A nice hue of lies.
In my dream, I screamed you name for infinity
I whispered you to every bottle of wine,
I looked for you on every dance floor,
I rearranged the stars,
realigned the planets,
hoping that this time my luck would change;
But it never did
You see falling for you thought me that throwing yourself over the cliff of love is not scary
It is exhilarating
It freeing,
But it never prepared me to the moment my self-esteem hit the ground
and shuttered into million pieces of insecurities
It never told me what to do when my king sized bed starts to narrow
until it no longer fits anyone.
It never showed me How to erase your details from the faces I bring with me at night.
Instead it got me drunk on your voicemails
I grind your pictures with her, and get high on a love that we never had
Reminding myself that she is your everything
and I’m merely a breeze of wind that crossed your path
