{"id":779,"date":"2023-03-29T14:57:58","date_gmt":"2023-03-29T14:57:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/?p=779"},"modified":"2023-03-29T14:57:58","modified_gmt":"2023-03-29T14:57:58","slug":"not-a-fairytale-just-real-life-memoir","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/?p=779","title":{"rendered":"Not A Fairytale, Just Real Life \u2013 Memoir"},"content":{"rendered":"

As a Mauritanian girl, gender stereotype is something I face in my daily life. I grew up in a community where women can\u2019t have big dreams. Their role is simply to have kids, take care of them, and support men: fathers, brothers, husbands and sons. Unfortunately, these old-fashioned ideas are stopping most girls from achieving their goals and having an impact on the society. In most households, girls\u2019 education is not a priority which makes child marriage common in certain areas. I was aware of this phenomenon, but it wasn\u2019t affecting me in any direct way or so I thought.\u202f<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

During last year\u2019s summer vacation, I traveled to my home country Mauritania. To be more specific, I was in the capital Nouakchott. It was all fun and games, until that evening when all my dreams shattered. At 8pm on July 18, 2019, my mother wanted to talk with me about \u2018\u2018a very important matter\u2019\u2019, as she described it. She took me to my room and closed the door on us. Then, without any introductions, she got straight to the point. She told me that a relative of mine asked for my hand, and they accepted his proposal.\u202f<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A part of me wanted it to be a joke, but I knew that my mother wouldn\u2019t bring up such a topic if it wasn\u2019t serious. I was going through a mixture of feelings: I was sad, scared and disappointed which left me speechless. So, I asked her kindly to leave me alone in the room in order to process the idea. I couldn\u2019t cry because I knew it wouldn\u2019t change anything. My thoughts at that moment were very negative. I thought that I would never achieve my dreams, I would never get my baccalaureate, I would never finish my postgraduate studies, and I would never get my dream job nor be able to travel the world.\u202f<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This was a crucial moment for me, and I needed someone to share it with. Usually, I prefer talking with my mother about these types of things. However, given that she was the one who delivered the news, I couldn\u2019t\u202fopen up\u202fto her. Thus, I decided to tell my best friend about how this step is going to ruin my life and ask for her suggestions. She was really supporting the idea as she asked me to see things from a\u202f<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

positive point of view. She said that this is destiny and that couples are made in heaven. She convinced me that before judging the man, I should at least meet him once. Since I wanted to make my family and friends happy, I decided to meet the guy. That decision was my first mistake and I solely did it because these people mean the world to me.\u202f<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The moment I met\u202fhim,\u202fI fell in his trap because he was such a sweet talker. As any other girl, I wanted to be loved. He showed me that no one else could love me more than him, thus, I thought that we were meant to be together. After that arranged date, I really started liking him, especially when he promised and reassured me that nothing will interrupt my studies. We decided to give our relationship a chance and to get to know each other more. After a month of engagement, we got married, and that was the worst decision of my life.\u202f<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Our marriage was sweet in the beginning and got bitter day after day. The immediate consequence of my foolish decision was the heavy responsibility I took on my shoulders at a young age; being a housewife and a student at the same time. He and his family were expecting certain things from me and my school needed other things from me. I couldn\u2019t maintain a good balance between these two separate lives of mine. The fact that my studies were my\u202ffirst priority\u202fcreated a lot of problems for them. Those disputes went from minor misunderstandings to big problems in a month. Then, as expected, the story ended with a divorce and an unwanted pregnancy.\u202f<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When I got all this news at the same time, I was\u202freally heartbroken, and I couldn\u2019t hold my tears back. I cried for nights not only because of the bad and mean things people were saying about my one-month marriage, but also because I wasn\u2019t ready for giving birth nor raising a child. At that time, most people weren\u2019t that supportive except my close family members and friends. They gave me the hope, courage, and motivation needed to start a new chapter of my life. They also told me that this is not the end of the world and that I still have a bright future ahead of me. They were right. I decided to focus more on my\u202fstudies\u202fand I got my baccalaureate diploma with the highest average in my class.\u202f<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Looking back, I understand the situation differently. My parents\u2019 reaction then was expected and understandable because they are members of a bigger community that follows traditions and considers them above everything. However, it wasn\u2019t\u202f<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

completely their fault. My actions at that time show clearly how childish and immature I was. Now, I feel sad about the precious month of my life that I spent investing my time and effort in a worthless relationship. I think of this experience as both the biggest mistake of my life and the best thing that has ever happened to me, because it has given me the most beautiful gift, Jemal, my son. It was a very bad experience, but it taught me lifelong lessons. One of them is examining all the possible consequences of any decision before taking it. Therefore, if the same event occurred today, I would most certainly respond to it differently. For instance, If I am proposed to again, I would probably take more time to get to know the other person. Then, I would ask him to wait until I secure my future; finish my studies and get my dream job.\u202f<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

To summarize, life is about making mistakes and learning from them. I made mine and it changed my personality. It was as well an opportunity for personal growth. Now, I see myself as a strong and independent woman. At the end of the day, I accept all my decisions, whether they turn out to be good or bad. In both cases, I am always learning.\u202fAt the moment, I feel proud of myself as a teen single mother and a college student. I also feel happy that I never gave up on myself or on my child.\u202f<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As a Mauritanian girl, gender stereotype is something I face in my daily life. I grew up in a community where women can\u2019t have big dreams. Their role is simply to have kids, take care of them, and support men: fathers, brothers, husbands and sons. Unfortunately, these old-fashioned ideas are stopping most girls from achieving … Continue reading “Not A Fairytale, Just Real Life \u2013 Memoir”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_ppma_block_editor_authors":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[],"ppma_author":[39],"class_list":["post-779","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-essays"],"authors":[{"term_id":39,"user_id":12,"is_guest":0,"slug":"mhamedtaik","display_name":"M'hamed Taik","avatar_url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/28445226b8a1211c44f492f3339658d94c787b21c55d0212cb481c851c7054f9?s=96&d=mm&r=g","author_category":"","user_url":"","last_name":"Taik","first_name":"M'hamed","job_title":"","description":""}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/779","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=779"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/779\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":780,"href":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/779\/revisions\/780"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=779"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=779"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=779"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/trove.aui.ma\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fppma_author&post=779"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}