In the waiting room, I sat worried. I knew what was waiting for me. I had only one idea in mind, the idea that I would enter that pale, colourless room, as if death had come to say hello to her and go his way. But I was sure that I would forget everything as soon as I got out of that dark room as a whole once. As soon as I heard a voice calling out my name, I learned that the utensils had even lost a headache and toothache. I entered the room and the doctor greeted me with his smile as usual, a smile that looked like a glimmer of hope before the disaster. I entered the fork tattered my teeth, so I felt pain, it was not strange, I felt it every time, and every time I got dizzy. The drug was penetrating my veins. I don’t feel my mouth anymore, it was cold as winter breezes. But I was able to bear that cold, as I endured a colder and more reluctant than
This: The coldness of loneliness. Hands were passing over my eyes, and multiple machines were gnawing at my teeth. Do you improve with pain? No. I really didn’t feel the pain, but the sharp sound of the machines decimated my patience and made me drown in a sea of thoughts. I wish I felt the pain of the teeth and did not leave alone with my thoughts, thoughts that snout my soul more than the machines do toutmy. I wanted time to pass through the blink of an eye and get out of this lonely hall, so that I don’t hear that anonymous voice that appears at any time, unfortunately I chose this time of all time. In a place that resembles outer space surrounded by darkness and blackness, he said to me, you are alone now, words cannot come out of your hollows… No one will listen to her… Be quiet! Be quiet! Be quiet! I told him. Every time I reconcile myself and enjoy with her, this voice comes and ruins everything.
Passing phrases for those who are still seeking the genius of beginnings still live on the moment in the meantime, I know that you will pass on my phrases passing by and know that you whisper to your heart in the meantime and reassure him and tell him that you will not reach him for this stage because you think that you have a friend of gold and that you are lucky and that God loved you and blessed you with a friend like him and that he is special and different from the other 40 million people or something like that … But I am sure that it will stop and tear the heart of those who live on the anniversary today who was living the same beginning as you one day and was whispering to his heart the same words as you passed by on phrases like this that are in your hands now and I am one of them…. I also once reassured my heart and said don’t be afraid, my heart is different, don’t be afraid, my heart, I handed you to the trustworthy, it was like a homeland to which I escape from the ugliness of the boring world. Despite all these beautiful moments and this blind trust, I have failed… I failed and the hardest letdown was the ninth time and a thousand curses on number nine I don’t know what his story with me like I’m playing a movie or something like that it’s number nine follows me everywhere and the rest of my soul goes down. 2009, ninth grade, the ninth letdown, the first failwas in the month of nine and that friend also came to Dunya in the month of nine is it a coincidence or is it a destiny written in the letters of the god, I do not know what his story with me. … But all I know is that I spent beautiful moments with him, even though he let me down so much that I wished time would stop. I felt with him for the first time that I was alive for the first time, and I believed in myself for the first time, knowing how strong I was for the first time in nine years, i felt like I was alive again. But fate had an opinion of the end of time passing and there is no way to stop him at our beautiful moments year after year and that friend began to change you know and met others of the best of me and some of them from the worst of me, matured and matured his ideas and changed his personality for the worst and better together and my presence became unwelcome in his life our thoughts diverged our thoughts became each of us became like water and fire and i was fire and was water … This has changed and this is his right, not blame, feelings and emotions we cannot control, they control us, whether we like it or not, and we have no choice but to bow to them… Only God knows how much I tried to fix our relationship. May be.. May be.. My mind knows that both study and shame are innocent of these false accusations, but whoever convinces the heart of my mind says one thing and is right and my heart says something else and is false, but there is no evidence, but I also swing between them, i find myself in my mind, i leave it in my heart, I can’t be stronger than three days, and to overcome this contradiction between my heart and my mind, i decided to give a hundred chances and my heart will not be spared. We had a total of 200 chances, and the agreement, when it came into effect, was going back today, my mental opportunities were running out, and my heart’s chances were still at the 67th. But I decided to end it yesterday and in the end I am a lady myself and not my mind or my heart will not lie to myself and torture her again, the end is inevitable I feel it is very close honesty feel so it will not make a difference whether it is today or after tomorrow or after a year or three I do not care in the end is the end and will come and will end everything . I know that it is very difficult to give up your homeland and your safety but I have to do it, I sacrificed my dignity and pride enough i became the one who always started messaging became so humiliated that it became worthy of my thoughts my words my things because I want to share my things with my news, the initiative is also my tears and ridicule of me and cold ask me what you want to change what you want from me what I have done to you I will answer you and I hope that this publication became more like i want to say it I wanted you to change, you’re a changed place, and this problem I wanted you to come back, not change enough, and what you did to me is that you left me trapped in the memories of ninth grade and a thousand curses on number nine again, and you got so bad that you made me feel scared like you, I’m talking to you, and I think you’re making fun of me, I doubt you’re cheating on me. Even if it hurts, I believe that it will be easy one day, yes, but this time it will be easy to cope, but after patience, we live in the hope of returning what we have lost, but the adaptation is nothing but getting used to the new life, no matter how it is, which is the best i will not forget, but I will adapt… If I was writing because not to come back, but to stay away if you were reading, I hope you will not text me again because, despite my strength and my prayers with everyone, I am weaker there…
